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Someone once said that to my younger self. Looking back, it may have had something to do with my sexuality as well — as in, my potential demisexuality. I felt a little prehistoric for still wanting my Disney fantasies. Was it because I was romantic, or a prude, or both? Interested in exploring the family associated with demisexuality and the experiences of asexual-identifying, or ace, people, I decided to do a bit of research on the spectrum to see what I could uncover.
Asexuality is also seen as a sexual orientation which separates it from the notion of celibacy or abstinence, both of which are forms of behaviour. Apart from demisexual, gray-sexual and gray-asexual are other orientations on the spectrum that lies anywhere between sexual and asexual. Tanya Koens is a sexologist and relationship therapist counsellor who has worked with ace patients in her Sydney clinic.
She also says ace people often want to form relationships. A disinterest in sex can be a lifelong thing, while other people might find themselves feeling asexual at certain points in their lives. However, she admits that the lines can be blurry when it comes to identifying between a low libido, sexual aversion and asexuality. Koens differentiates between these by asking patients a lot of questions and by trying to find the source of a potential issue, if there were to be one.
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Shortly after, he says his manager at work tried to set him up on a date with someone who ended up questioning the validity of his identity. Asexuality remains poorly understood by the public at large, and includes a broad spectrum of orientations; some asexual people feel no sexual attraction toward others and may be averse to sex, while others who feel no sexual attraction may still happily have sex with their partners. Other aces the umbrella term for those on the asexual spectrum like Cutler identify as gray asexual or demisexual, meaning they sometimes feel sexual attraction once they develop an emotional connection with someone.
Some may want romance but not sex; others fall on the aromantic spectrum, meaning they sometimes or never feel romantic attraction. But workable online alternatives for aces seeking their preferred levels of partnership and connection are few and far between.
Timeline of asexual history
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Two years ago, Dan Ritter, 19, found himself spending most of the summer fighting off a girl’s sexual advances. There wasn’t anything wrong with the girl, he wants to clarify. He just wasn’t sexually attracted to her. In fact, Ritter started to realise he wasn’t attracted to anyone. Then, in May , Ritter came to an epiphany: “I’m asexual. It’s estimated that 1 per cent of all people have no sexual desire towards others whatsoever.
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